Hacciety and Quiddity – Gaia’s Voice?

A curiously familiar voice interrupted Gaia’s train of thought:
I’m just a sideshow attraction to these people. Everyone look at the freak, come see the idiot savant. How long can someone talk to Miles without realizing he’s a little bit off. 30 sec? 5 minutes? Let’s try to set a new record! God she’s wonderful, I hope I can make it 30 minutes without betraying my neurological deficits. Just one wonderful half hour of her talking to me like I’m a human being. She might believe me and understand me when I try to explain it to her. But then she’ll just feel sorry for me. She’ll breathe a sigh of relief that she isn’t damaged like me. For the next few days she’ll relish the fact that she can talk to people without making them scared or angry. Or she’ll just think I’m an asshole or a creep. Who would lie about light spectrum autism, or whatever this is. They don’t think it’s autism because of my artistic ability? Then what the fuck is wrong with me? All they can tell me is that there is definitely something wrong with my brain. Anyone can see it. There is obviously something wrong with my brain, no one can figure out what it is. I am trying to figure it out, but I have to use my broken brain to do it
I used to live in bliss of it. I just thought I was a bit awkward of a little bit of a loser, nothing out of the ordinary. Watershed moments in my life made me more and more aware of the fissures in my mind. The first one was when I was raped and didn’t understand what had happened. I even let him have sex with me again after it was over. I’m not even homosexual, why would I let a man have sex with me? I can’t tell when someone is hurting me or making me uncomfortable because I am always in pain, and I’m always uncomfortable. This is one of those watershed moments. I shouldn’t have to fight tooth and nail for every normal word that comes out of my mouth. I shouldn’t have to struggle fruitlessly for every second I’m not making another human being angry or upset. Even with perfect empathy I’m useless in a conversation. DNA had one job, you managed to make all their brains fine. Huh, rich Cornell guy has a wonderfully functioning brain. What about me, you couldn’t get mine right?

Gaia was so disturbed by hearing this voice she consulted a psychiatrist to test for psychosis. Of course she was deemed perfectly normal and was told that hearing the voice of a freind in one’s head was not out of the ordinary. Miles was likely unaware of the fact that when he “read someone’s mind” that person was given a reciprocal insight into his own mind. Empathy goes both ways.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s