Hac and Quid – Feelings Never Felt

Hacciety and Quiddity – Selected Passages

Kyle Bomeisl-Horecka

Feelings Never Felt


“Summer Memories? Really? How about just OL9874?”
“Marketing wants to call it that. I don’t know.”
“Why would marketing care what I call a neurococktail? Are they selling them to consumers?” Dr. Cynn laughed
“Yeah. Did they not tell you.”
Andrea looked out the window “I though they were joking.”
“So tell them you don’t want it sold directly to the consumer. They’ll listen to you. They’re nothing without you. What they’re going to go back to selling ED pills?” Miles said “Why don’t you want it sold? Is it dangerous?”
“Not really, it’s the same physiological effect as coffee, just a cocktail of neurotransmitters thrown into your synapses. Except mine are well designed rather than just some beans you found outside and put in a cup of hot water. Just as addictive and the same side effects as coffee, but you get something meaningful.”
“Umm..OL.98747759384.13248983849…occipital lobe, neuron cluster 98747759384 and 13248983849. So dopamine at concentrations of e^-8.484t and located throughout the brain at f(x)=cos(2.71t), seratonin e^-298t, OK so basically no serotonin, the half life of serotonin concentration is like .5 seconds, GABA located f(x)= cos(.067x) and e^-45.3t, acetacholine e^-5t, f(x)=cos(35.48x), and..ok the rest are in negligible concentrations. What’s the problem, just a cocktail of neurotransmitters. Is it more dangerous because we are using it to design and engineer new emotions?”
“Well, yes, of course. We don’t know how people will react to having completely new emotions that no human being has ever felt. I just think…it cheapens it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like…I don’t want my neurococktails next to gum in the local drug store. We can build something great with them, a better brain. I don’t…I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”
“It’s fine, I get what you’re saying. It is cheesy, but who cares. We can still build a thinking engine and profits from this will only help us.”
“It’s just…marketing, finance, this whole company don’t deserve this. This is mine, umm, ours. They wouldn’t have anything without me. Why do they get to sell my intellectual property next to slim jims.”
“Yeah I guess, you’re just arguing against capitalism really.”
“No, I’m not. I’m talking about the gap in between ideas and reality. Information theory stuff, you might see further than economic philosophy if you hang around me longer. My ideas are mine, no one can take my ideas away to degrade and dilute them for profit. They can’t enslave my brain, just my body. They can force their will on my body but not my brain. There I am safe. They can only steal the work of my hands, the work of my brain is mine. They belong to me, no one even has the right to know that they exist. ”
“You are free in your mind short of depression, OCD, anxiety, and of the shit I used to get called in to fix. My patients were definintely mentally enslaved.”
“Well I’m not. My brain is fine.”
“Really, I’m pretty sure you came to me for help 2 years ago and as I recall I never even diagnosed you much less offered treatment.”
Andrea chuckled “No, you came to me because you had a crush on me. As I recall, I helped you a lot more than you helped me.”
“The agency sent me, I had to go. That and you needed help. I couldn’t help you I guess, but you needed help and I had to try.”
“OK, whatever. I’m fine. Let’s just brainstorm some new cocktails. All the human test subjects reported the same “Summer Memories” feeling, but I think the metric is kind of crude. I mean it’s a qualia, how do we know they actually all experienced the same emotion.”
“Trust me, they did” Miles replied eyes on the floor.
“How did you even know to try that combination of neurotransmitters? I’m shocked you know anything about neurobiology, no offense. I figured some biophysics and information theory consultation at best but I guess you’ve done your homework here. I mean this is masterful. Maybe we can work together if you cut it out with this puppy love bullshit.”
“Thanks, I need to know some neurobio to understand how to medicate myself and my patients. Umm and to perform euthanasia if necessary. Yeah, it’s fine if you don’t have feelings for me.”
“Yeah but unless this was a lucky guess, you have a natural intuition for the human brain. Which is hillarious given how clunky and awkward you are dealing with other human beings.”
“I’m…not that bad. I’m just…bored by most of people talk about. Anyway we need backtrack to see exactly what information input to the brain stimulates these chemicals if we are going to generalize emotions to other thinking engines.”
“Yeah I know, I’ve been trying.”
“No, I know, I’m just saying. It will be really powerful if you figure that out. We might be able to get something that resembles creativity in the Cynn Engine.”

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