Sex, Relationships, and Love

Sex, love, and relationships are the three most conflated words in the English language. Let’s begin with sex. Sex is a fairly simple evolutionarily engineered genetic gate. No more complex than a series of Boolean Logic gates that make up computer hardware. Mostly archaic urges that have no connection to shaping a positive gene pool from the perspective of any given philosophy. It is interesting from a mathematical perspective but not at all from a sociological one. People who have a sociological interest in sex are approaching the concept from the wrong perspective. It would be like trying to solve a quartic equation by asking it “How are you feeling today?” Granted sex is an interesting phenomenon in how it interacts with other concepts in sociology. However, when we study sexual urges in a vacuum, ours would be no more complicated or interesting than how cats mate.
Modern relationships are a function of geography and money. Often they have a correlation with sex or love, but no causal connection exists. Relationships are a rational calculation performed to increase survivability of one’s genes and self. They are formed to increase the resources available to both partners. Resources can take the form of time, money, emotional support, protection, etc. The point is that they are simply calculations, no more complicated than the optimization problem in calculus. You are simply trying to optimize how many berries you have available to you by forming a corporation of sorts. Modern romantic relationships bear a much closer resemblance to the chartering of a limited liability corporation than they do to an expression of love.
Love is one of the few aspects of the human experience that isn’t disgusting, boring, or evil. It is the greatest tragedy of humanity that something as substantive as love has anything to do with things as droll as sex and relationships. Aside from the inherent injustice in sexual urges and how relationships develop, both sex and relationships are simple and predictable as concepts. My qualms with sex and the concept of contemporary relationships is not just that they are unjust, but that they are incredibly dull as concepts and unworthy of a central role in the human mind. The only real argument for the humanities is that they are concerned with systems far more complex than those studied by the true sciences. However, sex and relationships are systems that are far more simple to explain and predict than how a big ball and small ball in contact dropped together bounce after hitting the ground. Seriously, the equations of motion, if you will, of human sexuality and relationship formation are much simpler and easier to solve for than the above example. This is in no way a metaphor or an exaggeration, there are very simple equations that will predict the formation of a given relationship or sexual intercourse with incredible accuracy. They are way simpler and easier to derive than the equation for the bouncing balls. Incredibly fucking droll in fact. Not that sex isn’t fun, it is. It just isn’t interesting or complex enough as a concept to have such a central role in human behavior. Love on the other hand definitely is. In fact, a human being is arguably defined as a being capable of love. Love is a subjective concept and varies along individual lines, cultural lines, gender lines, etc. In fact, cultures are often defined by their differing conceptions of love. Of course, love is an incredibly amorphous concept that demands a rigorous definition before we discuss it any further (notice I didn’t have to define a relationship or sex, they really are simple enough to “know it when you see it”).
That’s just it though, it really cannot or at least should not be given a rigorous semantic definition. Such an attempt would only further cloud an understanding of love. Love is one of those aspects of humanity that can be best understood through art rather than science. In fact I would say that the concept of love demands art for the articulation of even its most basic aspects. For me to sit here and attempt to explain love through art would be futile as there are far better artists that have done a far better job. If you want my articulation read Hacciety and Quiddity I guess, whenever I get a full draft together. This is more about the close relationship between art and love. Art is in fact, by my definition if you recall, distinguished by the desire to form a bridge between human minds. Many things that exist in one’s mind are marooned there. They cannot leave, they cannot explain themselves, they can’t vacation in someone else’s brain and make new friends. They are forever stuck on an island of flesh. Art is the only chance they have to see the world and for others to see their world. Love is really about the desire to build a bridge between those islands. (Oh look I did a pretty decent job of defining my conception of love, but notice it did require some artistic language.) Art is also about a desire to make those ideas, feelings, thoughts, and all the denizens of your mental universe less lonely. A good artist can truly free them.
Now, love is distinguished by a desire to build a bridge between those mental universes. Intimacy is necessary condition for love, but by no means a sufficient one. There has to be some mutual enjoyment of the process. True love is an extension of the self. It can be for a concept, another person, or even an object. Our means to do so are limited in the time being. However, I believe love is an ever evolving concept. The concept of the self can be expanded through love into a true choice of individuality. In the time being, humanity is not very good at loving. This leaves the concept of the self to be formed largely by circumstances of birth and social conditioning. So, nature and propaganda essentially determine our concept of self. The better we get at loving, the more control we will have over our identity. Hopefully this will be the way humanity moves forward.


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