The why escapes me, but there are people that hate me. There are people that like or even love me and I think I understand why. I enjoy my mental universe but not much else about myself. I try to share that universe with people who I respect and enjoy. People who I don’t enjoy I attempt to be as kind and understanding to as possible. If I get to know them better, perhaps I will enjoy them more. I don’t think there is anyone I would truly hate and write off. I have theories about why people hate me, but I don’t know the actual reasons. I still love or like those people, most of them at least. I don’t hold it against them. I’m sure I have done things that upset them, I don’t believe people can hate for no reason. I didn’t mean to. I hate conflict, I hate hurting people. Even when I wound my enemies I feel terrible about it. I hate being forced to have enemies. I wish I could speak and be understood. I wish I could paint and be understood, write and be understood. I wish people could know me. I know they wouldn’t hate who I actually am. They only hate what I appear to be. How do we decide who people are? We prejudge people the first time we see them in a thousand subtle ways without even speaking to them. The childish maelstrom of the rumormill determines who we are? I am what three of your friends say I am? Can we read minds, do you know who I am? Maybe at least try. Maybe at least talk to me, learn about me and my life before you make value judgments about me. You don’t have to talk to me or try to understand me, but then you shouldn’t make judgments about me. One of the skills that a proper physicist should have sharpened is seeing a pattern in the world around him and having intuition for what model produces that pattern. Patterns are written in the looks people give me, the tone of their voice, the explicit words “I hate you” “I am uncomfortable around you” “Please leave and don’t come back.” Something is wrong with me? Look at the water rippling, it is a small displacement from an equilibrium (ie still water), so it is a harmonic oscillator. The solution to that ODE is a cosine. You can see that the little ripples are cosine waves over space, and as they move across a stationary duck they are cosines in time. I can see waves at work in light, sound, water, even gravity, by the patterns in nature my mind instinctively focuses on. Studying the interference patters in optics (electromagnetic radiation) how the various cosine waves of different phases produce the beautiful pattern of light and dark patterns at the bottom of a swimming pool or Caribbean ocean. This leads me to consider QM. I spent the entire long weekend just figuring out which potential energies would need to be at work to get different QM waves I was interested in. Just fourteen straight hours of calc and trig, then some sleep, then fourteen more hours. I just ate and drank while I worked. It was peaceful. I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. No one broke my heart.