Resilience – the ability to hold form in the face of external forces, the ability to not change despite attempts to change you. If you are hurt, you heal. When stressed you relax. If angered or saddened you calm down and reach contentment. We are elastic. In nature substances that are elastic, sometimes abstractly elastic like bonded electrons in an atom, obey Hooke’s law. When forces push them out of equilibrium, they have natural internal forces that attempt to restore that equilibrium. Things like this can be weights on springs, rubber bands, tree branches swaying in the breeze, really any small displacement from equilibrium for any physical object looks like Hooke’s Law F=-kx. They oscillate in a beautiful symmetrical cosine wave. We experience this in everyday life. Every material has some limit, some point so far from equilibrium that Hooke’s Law no longer holds. Rubber bands snap, springs become straightened, tree branches break. I’m not recovering. I’m not bouncing back. It’s getting worse every day. Sometimes the rubber band doesn’t break, it just warps or deforms under pressure. I don’t even like to think about why anymore. It won’t even be fruitful to analyze the reasons. I’ve tried everything I can think of. They’ve tried everything to fix me. I’m not even sure what recovery would look like. There is no equilibrium in the world for freaks, there’s no cosine wave for us. Time is my last refuge, but has no effect. All my memories are as sharp as ever, just like waking up from a nightmare. Time only heals when there is something worthwhile in your life. My entire life has been a salvage operation. I’ve been grasping at straws to build some sort of foundation of contentment. I tried isolating myself, not leaving my apartment for a full year. It was lonely and miserable, but not as bad as I feel now. I don’t think I should be around other people. I can’t leave my bed on most days. I just can’t convince myself there’s anything out there for me anymore.